30 something

Naseeb Abdul Juma Issack popularly known as Diamond Platnumz once opined on his 2013 banger My Number 1 …  “ Kwanza Mapenzi safari, Ujana ni maji ya moto, walinenanga zamani” …. I was 24 then, and for some strange reason a hardcore Eastcoast Hiphop fan like myself was touched by that line from a genre I then considered wack. The very depth of that line would register later on my 26th birthday when I was suddenly hit by the enormous realization that thirty was nigh! See the moment you cross 25 years of age, you start leaning more towards 30 than your glorious carefree early twenties.

It’s not like I was even care free or that I lived with wanton abandon. My early twenties were rife with tinkering with business models, finding myself and establishing new connections as I had recently moved to Bungoma. At least that is what I thought I was doing, what I did not realize then that those will be my last years on the good lord’s earth without so much responsibility on my shoulders. Nothing in my twenties could prepare me for the mammoth responsibility that was going to be my thirties.

On my 26th birthday, I was at the cusp of my event organizing business. In April 2016, I would do Bungoma’s first ever street festival. Where I closed off the road leading to Askwana house next to Telkom house. This did not please someone who called cops on me who disrupted the gig causing me major losses. I was managing Shenanigans bar then, I took a loan from it and cleared my debts. While having beer with my Boss and friend Rob Kearns he told me pal, you are going to die a poor man if you continue in this line of business!

Those words stung! All the glitz and glam that came with event organizing meant absolutely nothing! As I had nothing to write home about. This sent me on an introspection spree, I consumed copious amounts of Youtube videos seeking inspiration that almost never came! Just when I was almost giving up, the Idea to go into T-shirt printing hit me and without any prior knowledge of how it goes in the T-shirt Printing world, I just dived right in! I was cautious, willing to learn and boy did I mess up alot. The tinkerers curse popped its ugly head again late 2016 and I decided to put together what would turnout to be my last theatrical play..around the same time I started Flash cabs, the one without the app and with one car. Big mistake! 

See, this was not even a blog post chronicling my entrepreneurial exploits in my mid twenties. I am however proud to say that my exploits in my twenties set me up proper for my thirties. All that tinkering did not go to waste. I got my son early 2017 and nothing seared into my subconscious that my life as I know it will never be the same again like fatherhood. There is a clarity of mind that I got that I wish on everyone once they unlock this level. My brain function switched and I could literally feel the gears switch! I was 27 and I could have sworn I didn’t feel a day over 21 years….and yet here I was with people who looked up to me for direction and care. I began to see everything longterm and bigpicture. I must admit those newly acquired lenses were hurting my pupils. It even dawned on me that I was a grown ass man who had never been in the driving seat of a car! Without even plans to buy one I checked into the nearest driving school and my buddy Sam aka Maps came in handy with the extra lessons at the Bungoma Airtstrip.

Nothing about the last year of my twenties was easy. I was in a panic, my friends were making really big moves, doing their masters, glamorous weddings, buying or constructing dream homes and here I was, a 29 year old in a driving class. I quit! Driving made me queasy actually. I hated it.

I was in constant apprehension of running over school going kids or being mobbed by Motorbike riders after killing one of their own. Forcing oneself out of their comfort zone is my mantra, so I had to get the hang of it one way or the other.

Still on that big picture mojo, I made a very unpopular decision. The only person in my corner at the moment was my business partner. I split my movie/gaming arcade and the print shop. I moved the print shop to a slightly out of the business centre location.This seemingly suicidal decision would later turn out to be the very best decision of my 29th year around the good lord’s globe.

Still, I was jittery of my impending thirtieth. Despite all the seemingly solid decisions I was making, thirty loomed and the feeling of underachieving was gnawing at the cosmos of my consciousness.

The only frames I was looking life through were those of a sixteen year old looking down upon his/her thirty something uncles and promising her/himself to never be that lame when s/he hits that age. Hahaha! I was now that uncle and would constantly wonder how eighteen year olds perceived me. My thoughts were attacking me at every given moment and the unfortunate or fortunate bit is that I never used any substances to help me cope. It was getting to me and vulnerability was a strange look on me. The tip of the iceberg was when younger lads started to seem like they are getting their sh*t together. 

This engulfed me in a cloud of misery and doubt. Maybe my mother was right all along. I should have pursued a career in finance like I had set out to. What had I done!? Is it too late!?? Have I colossally f*cked up!? My head was a nightmare. I turned thirty and voila nothing! Absolutely nothing about my physical appearance, demeanor,mannerisms changed. I was left wondering what the mayhem was all about! Same energy, same hustle and the very same drive to achieve was still embedded.  I realized however that the hours of the day were no longer enough. A very delicate balance had to be established. I was managing two start ups, I was a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a son inlaw, a friend and a member of a community I had to give back to one way or the other! I felt spread too thin and the list of things needing my attention endless, the resources to finance that level of connections totally unavailable.

One thing came to the fore. Some activities had to be minimised big time. Going out every other weekend came down to maybe once in a month…and that in itself cut down the number of friends to the very bone! Work helped with preoccupation, otherwise it would have been very depressing to suddenly realize you didn’t have as many friends as you thought you had once you step off the party scene. Now, with the few friends I remained with, I purposed to be very intentional in our relations. 

At the moment of writing this post,I turned thirty two early this year. The fears are still there but they are not as paralysing. Everything and everyone seems to be demanding my attention and to that effect I am learning how to effectively prioritise what is important. I have soon learnt that constant comparison is a joy killer.That we are completely on very different paths and journeys however much we seem to be in the same space continuum. I am allowed to benchmark what works for them (my peers) and what doesn’t and then apply accordingly in my own life but never to compare.

That success is relative and that true wealth is health and your decisions sitting well with you when your thoughts corner you and just won’t leave you be. I hot wired into my mind the ability to be genuinely happy for friends when they achieve extraordinary feats, heck,even the seemingly mundane ones.

I do not have it all figured out. Far from it! Am I uneasy about it? If I am being honest a little bit, sometimes a lot. You have to be, I believe it’s the fuel that keeps the core burning. I just have little hacks that allow me to manage when it gets too much. Call a friend for a beer or two,free flowing conversations turns out are very therapeutic. I read, Indulge my hobbies more and the foremost being very appreciative of what I have so far.

Approaching 30, turned 30? Way way past 30? How are you dealing? What works for you? Leave a comment; it might just be what someone else is looking for to help deal.